11 Reasons Why Paris Hilton Sucks (Literally)

June 26, 2007 | by John | Filed Under Celebs, People |

11-reasons-why-paris-hilton-sucks-literally

Paris Whitney Hilton, heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortune, is a well-known celebrity who has done many things during her short life like inherit a lot of money and, well… that’s about it. Known for her quick wit and sparkling personality, she dazzles the press corps and paparazzi alike with her wispy, stick-like figure.

Nicknamed “Paste” in some circles, for her ability to down large quantities of Elmer’s glue, she flaunts her wealth by disregarding traffic signals while under the influence. After bribing 75% of the Los Angeles Police Department, she almost managed to avoid jailtime after violating the terms of her probation. That, combined with her predilection for encouraging young children to produce amateur sex tapes, leads me to conclude that she might suck more than just Rick Salomon’s Johnson.




1. Her claim to fame is a sex tape. She would probably still be a relative unknown had she not let her boyfriend film her while giving head. And fame-through-sex-tape is not exactly something that should be promoted as a legitimate path to success.

2. She’s a spoiled brat. She’s never had to work a day in her life, yet treats people like shit and believes herself to be above everyone else (even though she is I guess).

3. She believes she is above the law. Hey, she’s rich and a celebrity and ignorant, so she doesn’t need to be treated like everyone else!

4. She whined and cried about being imprisoned. Even after putting other people’s lives in danger by being pulled over for drunk driving.

5. She’s a slut. She influences thousands of teenagers and young children.

6. She cries if things don’t go her way, like not getting into a party.

7. She plagiarizes. Even though she has more money than God, she still had to go out and steal a song from the band UB40 and claim it as her own.

8. She appears in the Guinness Book of World Records as the “Most Overrated Celebrity.�

9. She’s a racist and homophobic bigot. She uses racial epithets and homophobic marks. There’s no telling how often she expresses her racism, but it obviously happens enough to be caught on video.

10. She’s lazy. Paris Hilton was fired by the owner of Club Paris after failing to attend several scheduled appearances. A club she had lent her own name to.

11. She thinks her “dumb act� is just an act. Sorry honey, it’s reality.


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Comments

8 Responses to “11 Reasons Why Paris Hilton Sucks (Literally)”

  1. You should look up the definition of “literally”.

    You’re using it for literally the exact opposite of its meaning.

  2. Maybe you should watch 1 Night In Paris, a/c.

  3. a/c - I think it was a pun, based on the whole sex tape fiasco (ie, she was literally sucking, on camera, and that’s why she’s famous - which is the first point in this post). How that’s the exact opposite of its meaning I’m not sure…

  4. I’m not the biggest Paris Hilton fan, but you sir, are a noob for actually taking the time to build a website like this to help promote why she ’sucks’. What exactly does it do for you? Do you get off at the end of the day satisfied with the fact that some random idiot on the internet read these points, and got a little chuckle (if that) and talked about it? Here is a simple answer that doesn’t need points.
    Paris Hilton may suck for whatever reason but it’s because of people like you who give her attention that she continues to suck. Ditch this shit, and get yourself a job.

  5. Eh, everyone has their uses.

  6. Paris is utterly disgusting. And all who follow her every attempt to be in the lime light are a waste of oxygen. Give attention to all of the people who have actually accomplished something, not a self absorbed egotistical flat chested 2×4 bottomed life sized brat doll.

  7. What is with one of her eyes?…Kind of droopy or something.Maybe a glass eye?

  8. She’s infinitely stupid. Really, why defend her? Like you’ll get on her good side.

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