12 Reasons Why People Say Kim Jong-il Sucks (He might not suck after all!)

June 28, 2007 | by John | Filed Under Politics, People |

Kim Jong-il gets a bad rap. Is it justified? Someone should tally up all the good he has done for humanity, because I bet itâ€™s a lot. Maybe then people would start giving him a break.

Even he realizes people donâ€™t like him: â€œI know I’m an object of criticism in the world, but if I am being talked about, I must be doing the right things.â€? And you know what? Maybe heâ€™s right.

So, letâ€™s take a look at some of the reasons why people think he sucks. Afterwards, write down a list of the good things he has done for you, and then use a simple cost-benefit analysis to determine whether or not he sucks. I bet you’ll be surprised at the answer!

1. His hair. Come on, this is pretty damn cool if you think about it.

2. Some people seem to have an issue with human rights in North Korea (I canâ€™t imagine why). So go have a look.

3. He is the worldâ€™s first Communist family-dynastic successor. So much for â€œfrom each according to his ability, to each according to his need.â€?

4. He built up a personality cult around himself to solidify his power. Maybe heâ€™s getting the clue that thatâ€™s not such a good idea (I doubt it).

5. He made North Korea even more repressive and autocratic than his power-hungry lunatic father. Kim demands absolute obedience, even for important decisions like the size of houses for his party secretaries.

6. He condemns tens of millions of his subjects to starvation, suffering and death. He wonâ€™t accept foreign aid for his people because of his ridiculous policy of self-reliance, or the juche philosophy.

7. He orders the kidnappings and assassinations of non-North Koreans. Of course, nobody does anything about it.

8. His economic policies are revolutionary. They are so profound, that he must rely on foreign food aid for survival.

9. His amusement parks are popular tourist destinations. Wait, I mean his prison camps are popular destinations for the families of people suspected of political â€œcrimes,â€? such as telling someone you are hungry.

10. “No one enjoys luxury goods more than paramount leader Kim Jong-il.â€? Despite the millions of people he starves to death, he still makes sure to stock his liquor cabinet with enough cognac to last a thousand years.

11. Heâ€™s a wimp. Heâ€™s afraid of flying, and has to use silver chopsticks on live lobsters he has air-lifted to him every day, in the belief that they will somehow detect poison - which is obviously bullshit.

12. Kim Jong-il shoots three or four holes-in-one for every round of golf he plays. Actually, this may make up for all the other stuff; maybe he doesnâ€™t suck after all.

What sucks the most about Kim Jong-il?

Filed Under Politics, People | More articles by John

Comments

4 Responses to “12 Reasons Why People Say Kim Jong-il Sucks (He might not suck after all!)”

ralph on June 29th, 2007 at 6:15 am

does he have a napkin covering his penis?
clay on July 8th, 2007 at 12:10 pm

well this is just snarky and obvious. tell us something we don’t already know einstein.
kayzah on July 30th, 2007 at 12:28 am

Kim Jong Il is cool but misunderstood :>
Matt on September 8th, 2007 at 2:00 am

What cracks me up is how the little thug insists on calling his pathetic country the “Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.”

Letsee…not democratic, not of the people, and not a republic! Did I miss anything?

What bothers me far more than this sad little man’s continued presence on the world stage, is the many in the West who tolerate and make excuses for his horrid little regime. People who frankly should know better, especially in South Korea and the US.