12 Reasons Why People Say Kim Jong-il Sucks (He might not suck after all!)

Kim Jong-il gets a bad rap. Is it justified? Someone should tally up all the good he has done for humanity, because I bet it’s a lot. Maybe then people would start giving him a break.

Even he realizes people don’t like him: “I know I’m an object of criticism in the world, but if I am being talked about, I must be doing the right things.â€? And you know what? Maybe he’s right.

So, let’s take a look at some of the reasons why people think he sucks. Afterwards, write down a list of the good things he has done for you, and then use a simple cost-benefit analysis to determine whether or not he sucks. I bet you’ll be surprised at the answer!

1. His hair. Come on, this is pretty damn cool if you think about it.

2. Some people seem to have an issue with human rights in North Korea (I can’t imagine why). So go have a look.

3. He is the world’s first Communist family-dynastic successor. So much for “from each according to his ability, to each according to his need.�

4. He built up a personality cult around himself to solidify his power. Maybe he’s getting the clue that that’s not such a good idea (I doubt it).

5. He made North Korea even more repressive and autocratic than his power-hungry lunatic father. Kim demands absolute obedience, even for important decisions like the size of houses for his party secretaries.

6. He condemns tens of millions of his subjects to starvation, suffering and death. He won’t accept foreign aid for his people because of his ridiculous policy of self-reliance, or the juche philosophy.

7. He orders the kidnappings and assassinations of non-North Koreans. Of course, nobody does anything about it.

8. His economic policies are revolutionary. They are so profound, that he must rely on foreign food aid for survival.

9. His amusement parks are popular tourist destinations. Wait, I mean his prison camps are popular destinations for the families of people suspected of political “crimes,� such as telling someone you are hungry.

10. “No one enjoys luxury goods more than paramount leader Kim Jong-il.â€? Despite the millions of people he starves to death, he still makes sure to stock his liquor cabinet with enough cognac to last a thousand years.

11. He’s a wimp. He’s afraid of flying, and has to use silver chopsticks on live lobsters he has air-lifted to him every day, in the belief that they will somehow detect poison – which is obviously bullshit.

12. Kim Jong-il shoots three or four holes-in-one for every round of golf he plays. Actually, this may make up for all the other stuff; maybe he doesn’t suck after all.